User:Tibo

Before we get started I would like to warn that any and all material may be considered horribly, horribly inappropriate and/or not safe for anywhere.

Tibo, the Early Years

Early in his life in Egypt, Tibo was a noob like many others. It wasn't until he figured out the very useful skill of clicking on one self that he really took off. After that, it was mostly downhill until he met some great people in the land of Egypt. But my agent says I can't tell you that story so I suppose you're going to have to settle for things of deep and/or humorous nature.

Tibo's Agent

My agent told me I should let the world know about her greatness. I think most of us know Philly, and if you don't well that's no excuse, go meet her. She is a wonderful person and a great... agent. Okay so she hasn't been able to get me a paying gig yet. And it's been years. I just recently doubled her salary too. She says that I'm a hard act to place. That there are no venues out there for me. Honestly, I think she is just embarrassed by me. I mean, come on people would like me, wouldn't they? Sure I might be humorous one minute and then write a lament the next.. but that's not hard to place is it? Is it? Oh, Philly you're right... we need to talk about your salary again...

Humor

Humor is a double edged sword, on one hand some people think you're funny... on the other some people think you're not, and even might want to harm you. So I implore you, read with an open mind, an open heart, and gods darn it just be happy you're alive to read my works. Oh... did I mention that I'm arrogant?

Glamazon.com Presents...

My (Other) Brain Behind the Wheel: Confessions of a Boyfriend

In this novel Mr. Frank Cartwright goes into his many misadventure with the opposite sex. It's an attractive, humorous look at relationships that won't just won't pan out the way he wants. Here's a few excerpts:

From Chapter Six: Naomi; "Here we are again, it's the tenth day in a row with the commitment talk. Tell me this, tell me that. Why does she want to know anything? Just get with the taking off the clothes. God, do you really need to know my name?"

From Chapter Eleven: Julia; "I met Julia at church, she was a great girl. Beautiful face, great body, kinda a Jesus freak though. She always wore these black and white robes, never really understood why. Came off pretty fast though."

From Chapter Twenty: Wendy; "Now Wendy, I really loved Wendy, she understood me. We shared all the same interests: hiking, swimming, polo, watching baseball. It was all great, too good to be true. You know we were so alike we even had the same size Adam's apple, I always thought that was great."

From Chapter Fifty-Five: Jennifer # 6; "Jenicoster, my pet name for her, was supposed to be a one night stand but her bed was one of those Sleep Number ones and I just could not get up it was so relaxing."

You'll enjoy all those chapters and seventy more! This book is for anyone who has had even one relationship or more, you'll get a kick out of the crazy situations Frank gets into. And remember you can enjoy Mr. Cartwright's other books as well: STDs and Me, How to get into and out of a Three-way, and Outlook Express for Dummies.

Hobbit-B-Gone

I bring to you today, something unique, fantastic even! Has going to the Shire been driving you mad? Have pesky Hobbits been getting on your last nerve?! Has the Took family screwed up your pipeweed order for the elentyith time in a row? Well now we have the solution for you! Tibo's Practical Products proudly present: Hobbit-B-Gone®! Yes that's right, Hobbit-B-Gone®. What does Hobbit-B-Gone® do exactly? Well I'm glad you asked! With one simple spray of this miraculous serum any Hobbit of any size will be instantly disintegrated! Yes that's right, disintegrated! No more dreading the Shire! No more pesky Hobbits, and of course no more pipeweed screw ups! I'm sorry what was the question? Isn't that murder? Ohh heaven's no, under Section 12 Paragraph 37 Line 54 Letter 23 of the Sentient Species Act of 3E2734 its clearly states Hobbits are not a sentient species of Middle Earth. I know, I didn't know that either! So to sum it up buy Hobbit-B-Gone® for all your Hobbit needs! From the makers of Gnome-B-Gone® and Ewok-B-Gone®.

Disclaimer: Tibo's Practical Products does not endorse this message or any disintegrating of those dirty, sneaky, filthy Hobbits.

Seven things I have learned through personal Experience

• Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
• If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
• Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
• I'm not cynical. I'm just experienced.
• I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
• I do not lie... I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation.

Sold!

Was not long ago that I was free
But no longer shall I be
I made a deal that will last quite long
But perhaps it just wasn't wrong
I didn't kick or scream nor bite any ears
I didn't fight back at all nor shed any tears
The deal I made didn't bother me at all
Just gotta beg or plea... sometimes crawl
I was made a slave today, no big deal
I flax, I weave, on command I heel
I follow my mistress' every command
I'm just really lucky I was not brand
She treats me fine as long as I obey
I get time for naps, and even some play
Yes occasionally I sleep with the sheep
No, not that way ya weird little creep
I no longer break my back picking grass
Got a greenhouse for that finally at last
My mistress demands tribute each day
So to the camel pen I go to slay
Sometimes I remember what I got in return
A few copper and a dozen resin of fern
Doesn't seem fair as I look back
So I thought I might once try to slack
Very bad idea, the whipping was fierce
But it hurt alot less then the stuff that was pierced
So here I am, Tibo the slave
Guess I'll finally learn to behave

Deep Stuff

If you are a man, this section is not for you. In fact it really shouldn't be here... us men never have feelings nor do we express them. So I ask you men, look away. Women, hello! Please read everything here, it's great!

Ode to the Vigil

A tale in the desert is only so sweet
As the cactus sap you suffer to eat
We lit a fire to please our gods
But what shall they want, we were at odds
A crash of thunder, a spark of light
We all then did look up in fright
Isis, Ra, Osiris all there
It was only then we began to fear
No wrath did come, only feelings of joy
The gods wanted goods, and us to employ
We took off as fast as our feet hit ground
To get all the goods we had gathered and found
Silt, lime, charcoal and more
Carrots, bricks, and cut stones galore
We needed fish and needed them fast
We sent out twenty souls to catch and cast
They asked for a jewel as blue as the sky
A sapphire we had and would not deny
Our stores were vast and we were getting lax
Who knew the gods would ask for rotten flax
A crisis averted, the gods still unsated
We offered up Tibo, and they were elated
Faster and faster their demands came
It would seem this was no longer a game
Demands came with dire, they needed more ore
Nobody even wondered what they needed it for
Avast a diamond we just couldn't find
And the gods no longer paid us any mind
In the end the Vigil lasted for days
And the gods did finally give us our praise.

Wide Awake

Lingering on til daylight breaks
A tired mind in an endless daze
Look through the shadow your eyes see
Knowing rest will never conquer thee
Another hour won't do you in
Cricket's cherps just make you grin
Sunset, sunrise these don't mean a thing
To a man with no rest, no care, no ring
Time means nothing in your state
Morning, night to you all great
Stay up late, your mind don't care
Never rest, caress your fear
Eyes are strained, your fingers ache
Your voice is choked, your wide awake
You feel nothing, you feel all
You can not rest, you can not stall
Turbulence in your mind's eye
You see yourself, watching you die
Twenty four hours, seven days a week
For with no rest it all looks bleak.

Fire and Forget

The frame in which your picture lays, haunts me here until this day.
A fiery end is coming near, you'll never be bothered again my dear.
My solemn vow I give to you, I promise to see this through.
The ache it causes makes me weep, I still wish I had you to keep.
A never ending struggle with fate, the results of which I love to hate.
Neglected feelings only persevere, I can not think until it clears.
Something you said has left me dead, and until this day filled me with dread.
Until this day I was not me, until this day I was not free.
Pride is said to come before fall, but no pride is here, that I can recall.
This anger I have comes from love, but now is something I am devoid of.
The fiery end is finally here, the frame in fire I ne'er shed a tear.

We, three

Travelers met by destiny and fate
In cahoots they gathered some straw and some slate
By the time they were done, a monument built
Oh the gods you know they used so much silt

Very elated by the progress achieved
Only a few more cut stones and they were relieved
You know it took them many days and many nights
Now through it all can you believe never a fight
Awashed with the glory of coming so near

A disaster averted, they had no more fear
Zapping around to find the last pieces
In Egypt you know size only increases
Zoning til everything was finally right
And you know these three finished tonight